


Choices Made

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [78]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Depends on Your Perspective, Established Relationship, God Loki (Marvel), Hopeful Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Loki (Marvel) Does Not Do Emotions, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) is a Bastard, M/M, Pain, Poor Tony Stark, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Relationships, being taken for granted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26769997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony’s done with being taken for granted, and no matter how much it hurts, he’s going to stand his ground.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [78]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 56
Kudos: 188





	Choices Made

**Author's Note:**

> Now I don't say this often, because I am of the opinion that if you choose not to read the tags then you are running the gauntlet at entirely your own risk—but please do read the tags before you yell at me :)  
>   
> I got the idea from [this list.](https://a-cure-for-writers-block.tumblr.com/post/178135603030/100-dialogue-prompts-angst-edition)  
>   
>  **Prompt** — _“I’m just looking out for you.”_

“How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?” Tony heard his own voice cracking– he _felt_ the shattered edges of each word tearing the inside of his throat. He felt like he couldn’t breathe properly, like the air was vanishing with every inhale before it reached his lungs, like the oxygen was being sucked from the air.

And it was– _frustrating,_ because after everything that had happened, everything that had been done, Tony wanted to be able to lay his own thoughts and feelings on the table without his own body and mind betraying him.

He wanted to be _strong_ , but. It seemed like that was no longer an option.

But perhaps the worst thing? Worse than the fact that his strength was being stolen by pain, worse than the fact that he had been betrayed in what felt like the worst kind of way—

Was the fact that Loki didn’t even seem to _care._

He was standing opposite Tony with a blank expression on his face, his eyes flashing with the slightest touch of annoyance, as if he thought Tony were overreacting.

“Loki, it’s been months,” Tony said. “I know you were on Earth recently, I know it– Thor told me you visited him in New Asgard—”

“Thor is my brother, and I needed a favour,” Loki replied. “I don’t know what business that is of yours.”

“What business… _Loki_ , I’m just looking out for you. I’ve been _worried_. Last I heard from you, Amora was trying to kill you and you needed to go and search for that book so that you could—”

“Oh, _that_. That was easily resolved months ago. Amora is imprisoned.”

Tony stared. He’d been worried enough that he couldn’t sleep, he’d stayed up late for _weeks_ staring at his phone, waiting for a message that never came through. He’d only known that Loki was still _alive_ when he’d sent a message to Thor in desperation.

And yet… all that time, Loki had been healthy and well, visiting other people and living his goddamn life with no care as to the worry coursing through Tony’s veins.

Tony had always known he held no ownership over Loki– and he would never want to. But he’d hoped that their relationship meant that Loki would at least make an effort. He’d thought that Loki would extend the courtesy and, and actually _talk_ to him.

But apparently… even half of his attention during half a conversation was too much to ask.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony whispered. “Did I do something?”

“No,” Loki replied. “If you had, I would have let you know.”

“So I’m expected to just, assume everything is fine unless I hear otherwise?” Tony asked. “What kind of a relationship is that?”

“A comfortable one,” Loki said.

“But not for _me,”_ Tony insisted. “Loki, sweetheart, this has to go two fucking ways. You left me worried for months and then come back here and try to fuck me against the wall? If it weren’t for Thor, I’d have thought you were _dead.”_

“Anthony,” Loki said. “You know that I am a god of chaos. This is just the way that I am, I do not have a choice.”

“Yes you fucking do,” Tony hissed. “You _do._ This isn’t about your lifespan, or past, or anything like that– those things don’t matter so long as we make the _choice_.” He paused for a moment, wondering if he should go on or not. But Loki hadn’t yet made him stop, and… this might be Tony’s only chance to tell Loki the truth of the matter. To try and get Loki to _understand_ just how much Tony had riding on this, just how much of himself Tony was about to lose. “It’s not– it’s something that my mother told me once, something I always believe in,” Tony said. “That love’s not just an emotion, it’s not just something you _feel._ Love has to be a choice, it has to be something you _choose_ every day. And Loki… _please._ I made my choice a long time ago, and it’s not about to change. Not so long as you’re willing to take that step with me.”

Loki frowned, then, as if Tony had said something mildly confusing. “Whoever said anything about love?”

The words were nothing less than a lance to Tony’s heart, the blade going deep and twisting through muscle and bone.

“No one, I suppose,” Tony said, his voice sounding so very distant, as if the words were being spoken by someone else. “It would seem I was mistaken.”

Loki nodded– only the once, the movement almost dismissive. “Then I am glad things have been cleared up.”

And then, the fucking asshole– he moved closer, he cupped Tony’s cheek, he tilted up his chin and leaned down for a kiss—

And Tony tore himself away.

“ _No,”_ he snapped. “Fucking– _no._ ”

Loki tilted his head, his hand falling back to his side as he considered Tony in a manner that felt a little… unsettling. Tony still hadn’t quite put his finger on it when—

“Very well,” Loki said. He nodded firmly, and took a step back. “You have been fun, Anthony Stark. I wish you a full life.”

“Wait,” Tony said, feeling like his heart was trying to tear from his chest. “You’re not just going to—”

“You wish for something that I cannot give,” Loki replied. “I am a god, Stark,” Loki said– and it was the use of his surname that caused Tony’s knees to begin to give way, forcing him to grip the back of the couch with trembling fingers in order to stay upright. “And you are a mortal. Differing lifespan or not, you know the way these things go.”

Tony did. He’d read the myths, he knew the stories. But…

“I never thought you’d be one to follow a script,” Tony whispered hoarsely.

Loki’s green eyes were as hard as diamonds, and as emotionless as stone. And somehow, Tony _knew_ that this would be the last time he would be granted the _honour_ of meeting the god of mischief’s gaze– and the room echoed with the words of a final parting.

“No,” Loki agreed. “But nor will I ever be _contained.”_

And as the being who had never seemed more otherworldly than in this moment disappeared in a blaze of green, Tony slipped down to the ground with a soft cry.

Loki was _gone._

And, oh, Tony knew that he’d get over it– he got over Pepper, he could survive the wake of a single selfish god. He told himself this was better, that this way he would be able to move on from the pain of the last few months, of the stress and insecurity of the months before that.

At some point in the future, he’d probably be all right.

But that felt so very far away, and in that present moment—

Tony let himself fall apart, rendered to tiny broken pieces by a love that had never been returned.


End file.
